*This post is a little serious, a little humorous, but most of all it's just honest. Let me preface this whole thing by saying we have a beautiful, healthy baby boy, and I am recovering remarkably well.
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So I almost died a couple weeks ago.
Okay, so I was never in actual mortal danger. But it certainly felt that way as my blood pressure was dropping, and I literally had to will myself to "stay present" until I heard Jack cry and saw him. Finally my OB told Dan to stand up and look. I heard the cry. They held Jack over the drape. "He has black hair," I thought.
Dan claims the next thing I said was, "I don't feel well. I feel like I'm slipping away." Had I had enough strength to say it loud enough, I'm sure one of the 29 people in the OR would have heard me mumble, "Please knock me out now."
Yes, 29 people. The "joke" was that when Jack was born there were 30. You ever heard of a c-section like this? Didn't think so. Apparently this placenta accreta thing is rather serious.
"Her blood pressure is too low. Converting to general," I heard the head of Loyola's OB anesthesia department say.
I remember looking up at the ceiling tiles in the OR while I was drifting away and begging God to please not let my boys grow up without a mother. Dan remembers seeing them stick the tube down my throat. I don't know about you, but I think I would rather do almost anything and be almost anywhere else but watching the love of my life be intubated. Apparently the mood changed in the OR from "lighthearted" to "serious." Dan tells the story that he was trying to wander back over to the table by me while the doctors were trying to redirect him back by the baby. "Over here, dad. Come look at your son." Not that Dan wasn't excited/worried about Jack, but I can appreciate how his focus was most likely on me. I was the scarier scenario of the two patients.
I came to some time later when I heard Dan's voice. The first thing I asked was, "How much did he weigh?" We had a bet about Jack's birth weight. Dan took the "over" of 9.5 lbs - I had the under. And although I am not a competitive person at all (like, almost to my detriment), apparently I needed to make damn sure I won this bet. For the record, I did.
I'm not even sure who told me, but someone mentioned that they did have to remove my uterus and right ovary. Just 'cuz I like the sound of it, I'll tell you the official procedural name for removing an ovary - oopherectomy. Fun to say, huh?
When I realized I wasn't still intubated I was thrilled. I had been told beforehand this was a possibility. However the other possibility was becoming a reality: I wouldn't get to hold my sweet baby for quite some time. Unfortunately I was headed to the ICU because I lost about 3 liters of blood and received a transfusion, and they anticipated having to transfuse me again.
There I stayed for almost 24 hours. Dan would go to the nursery to feed Jack and snuggle with him every few hours. I'm glad they had this special time together; I'm glad Jack had one of his parents to get acquainted with right away. In-between feedings Dan would hang out with me. I'm a little foggy on the details, but I'm pretty sure his main duty was getting me ice chips.
If you've ever spent a lot of time in a hospital you will be familiar with "hospital time." (Thanks to Sally's brother John for giving it this name.) Hospital time is when you have no idea if it's day or night, what day it is, or how time passes so quickly one minute and so slowly the next. I give you this definition because that night in ICU it was all of a sudden 3AM and neither Dan nor I had slept. This is either due to hospital time or the fact that Dan's options were sitting in a chair or laying on the floor.
I'll tell you, you've never known true love until you see your spouse sleeping sitting upright in a chair because he doesn't want to leave your side.
Finally around noon the next day I got released to go to the postpartum floor. The following is possibly my most favorite photo of all time...
Thank you, God, for allowing me to live so I could hold my new baby, hug his big brother, and realize that I am beyond blessed to be deeply loved by and be madly in love with my husband.
~Cin
Jack Allen Strom
Friday, July 13, 2012
9 lbs, 1 oz
20" long
My new favorite parenting blog is Jason Good. It's laugh-out-loud, pee-your-pants hilarious. I think it's because what he writes is just so damn accurate about life with a toddler. My two favorites are from the posts Self-help Advice from a 2 year old and Great Jobs for New Parents.
My favorite piece of self-help advice from a toddler:
Challenge yourself every day. Try climbing the stairs carrying two soccer balls while wearing your father's shoes. Remember, failure IS an option.
Luke does this sort of thing on a daily basis. Dan and I just stare at him while in the middle of one of these challenges and say, "Remember, buddy, failure IS an option!"
My favorite job for new parents:
Let someone watch you crap while they stare blankly eating a popsicle.
We don't give Luke a lot of popsicles inside the house, but replace that with Goldfish, Cheerios, or a banana, and you've got yourself the perfect mental picture of Dan or I on the toilet.
I started thinking about what I could offer up as laughable, spot-on truths about life. I wondered, "What's going on in my life that others could relate to?"
Hence, I bring you...
10 things I'm looking forward to when I'm no longer pregnant:
1. Drinking more-than-is-reasonable amounts of liquor. "Pump and dump" is perfectly acceptable in my house.
2. Having sex with my husband. The kind of sex that got us into this whole parenthood mess in the first place. Only now it will be more about celebrating the fact that I'll never be pregnant again, and we'll never have another baby. Never. Ever. EVER. Amen.
3. Not having total strangers stare at or touch my protruding belly and ask if it's twins. I was only 28 weeks when someone said, "Any minute now!"
4. Rolling over in bed in the middle of the night without grunting.
5. Wearing sexy underwear. I didn't realize just how bad this situation was until the other night when Dan was folding laundry. He picked up a pair of my maternity underwear and said, "I might accidentally stuff a pillow in these." Point taken.
6. Advil. Tylenol sucks.
7. Zoloft. Inappropriate fixation sucks.
8. Working out.
10. Snuggling with my new little miracle. If I'm not pregnant it must mean I have a newborn!
I'd love to know what things other people looked/are looking forward to after they gave/give birth! Comment below or on Facebook!
~Cin
There's so much buzz about bucket lists and leap lists these days. I've never made one. I guess now is as good a time as any to start, especially considering I'm having a baby in 6 days. Oh, and a hysterectomy immediately after the baby is out. Since I've heard the best way to usher in life sans sleep and a uterus is to make one of them, here I go.
Cindy's Bucket List
1. Write blog.
Guess I can cross that off my list. Woohoo! I'm done!
It's been a goal of mine for years, maybe over a decade, to write. Blogging is apparently now the way to achieve that goal. I follow quite a few parenting blogs. Most are comedic views on parenthood, and I laugh myself silly reading them. Some are serious in nature and give great perspective on what's truly important in life. When I read those I reflect in silent prayer on how truly blessed I am.
So how did I come up with the title of this blog? The most basic answer is this: It's in the lyrics to my husband's and my song "All I Want is You" by U2.
All the promises we make
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is you.
"Cradle to grave" is what I had engraved on the inside of his wedding band.
See, Dan and I go a long way back. Over half our lives back. We dated in high school, broke up, remained friends, married other people, divorced said other people, and here we are. Some call it a fairy tale. I'm not sure I'd go that far. Mainly because this is real life, and of course it isn't perfect. Not. Even. Close. At any given moment I want to suffocate him with a pillow. But he is my best friend. We are soulmates. I hit the lotto in the love department, and for that I am eternally grateful.
Cradle to grave.
The more literal meaning to the blog title is how cradles and graves have impacted my life. The birth of my first son (cradle) changed my life in an inexplicably profound way, more so than anything else, with a close second being the death of my father (grave). No two events have shaped more who I am.
Cradle to grave.
I think you're getting the picture.
I'm not entirely sure where this blog will take me. I think I'm pretty funny, and life with my husband and toddler can be a non-stop laugh fest. I'd like to share some of that with you in the hopes that you'll laugh, too, or at least realize you're not alone in these crazy worlds we call marriage and parenthood. But I'm sure my sensitive and serious sides will come out every once in a while in posts on topics about which I'm passionate.
For now I'm just glad I completed the first and only item on my bucket list! I should have written that list a while ago. Maybe I'll add to it in a later post. At least now I can get Dan off my back so he'll stop asking, "When are you going to write that blog?" Right now, honey. Right after I find a pillow...
~Cin
