T-2 Days

My new favorite parenting blog is Jason Good. It's laugh-out-loud, pee-your-pants hilarious. I think it's because what he writes is just so damn accurate about life with a toddler. My two favorites are from the posts Self-help Advice from a 2 year old and Great Jobs for New Parents.


My favorite piece of self-help advice from a toddler: 
Challenge yourself every day. Try climbing the stairs carrying two soccer balls while wearing your father's shoes. Remember, failure IS an option.


Luke does this sort of thing on a daily basis. Dan and I just stare at him while in the middle of one of these challenges and say, "Remember, buddy, failure IS an option!"


My favorite job for new parents:
Let someone watch you crap while they stare blankly eating a popsicle.


We don't give Luke a lot of popsicles inside the house, but replace that with Goldfish, Cheerios, or a banana, and you've got yourself the perfect mental picture of Dan or I on the toilet.


I started thinking about what I could offer up as laughable, spot-on truths about life. I wondered, "What's going on in my life that others could relate to?" 


Hence, I bring you...

10 things I'm looking forward to when I'm no longer pregnant:

1. Drinking more-than-is-reasonable amounts of liquor. "Pump and dump" is perfectly acceptable in my house.


2. Having sex with my husband. The kind of sex that got us into this whole parenthood mess in the first place. Only now it will be more about celebrating the fact that I'll never be pregnant again, and we'll never have another baby. Never. Ever. EVER. Amen.


3. Not having total strangers stare at or touch my protruding belly and ask if it's twins. I was only 28 weeks when someone said, "Any minute now!"


4. Rolling over in bed in the middle of the night without grunting.


5. Wearing sexy underwear. I didn't realize just how bad this situation was until the other night when Dan was folding laundry. He picked up a pair of my maternity underwear and said, "I might accidentally stuff a pillow in these." Point taken.


6. Advil. Tylenol sucks. 


7. Zoloft. Inappropriate fixation sucks.


8. Working out.


9. Not having a horrifically painful varicous vein. In my hooha.


10. Snuggling with my new little miracle. If I'm not pregnant it must mean I have a newborn! 


I'd love to know what things other people looked/are looking forward to after they gave/give birth! Comment below or on Facebook!


~Cin